There is a great deal of misunderstanding about what constitutes premature ejaculation (PE). Does a man suffer from PE if he orgasms within the first 10 minutes of sex? Can he be said to ejaculate too quickly if he can’t last an hour? In fact the average time that it takes a man to ejaculate once he is inside a woman is just 5 minutes (this is the European average; for our British studs it is actually 7 minutes!). Contrary to popular myth, very few sexual encounters involve ten minutes or more of bumping and grinding, once the couple actually get down to it! An unrealistic expectation about what is ‘normal’ can sometimes lead men to worry that they suffer from premature ejaculation, when in fact they are already performing well above average.
So, timing aside, how can a man be sure about whether he suffers from early ejaculation? Professionals still disagree about the actual definition, some judging it on the number of thrusts (8 or 15), others on time spent having intercourse, and still others rate it according to whether a man ejaculates before his partner has had an orgasm. Clearly this last definition is of little use when we now know that the majority of women do not orgasm solely as a result of intercourse! Probably the most useful and the most widely used description is that premature ejaculation occurs when the man is not able to voluntarily and consciously control when he ejaculates.
Popular myth propounds that premature ejaculation is always the result of frenzied teenage masturbation habits. In reality, there are a range of causes of premature ejaculation, some of which are physical, some psychological and some neurological. When trying to ascertain the cause of PE, it is important to think about whether it has been a lifelong problem or whether it was acquired as a result of a particular trigger. The two most common causes of lifelong PE are neurological problems and a deficit of psychosexual skills. Relationship problems are a common cause of acquired PE, while less common causes include prostatitis and urinary tract infections. It is important to have a clear understanding of the cause of PE before trying to find a solution.
At present there are no pharmacological solutions for premature ejaculation. While sufferers of erectile dysfunction can take Viagra or an equivalent, as yet no parallel pill exists for PE sufferers. Some anti-depressant medications may be prescribed for some sufferers of premature ejaculation, but these can have a range of side effects, including erectile dysfunction – a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. So is this something that men just have to learn to live with?
Fortunately, there are a number of very effective psychological approaches that have been developed to tackle premature ejaculation. These combine cognitive and behavioural elements that can lead to a marked improvement in performance in a matter of weeks. Sex coaches can teach clients suffering from premature ejaculation a series of masturbation and sensory focus exercises that will help them to gain greater ejaculatory control. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation experience the equivalent of a car accelerating from 0-100mph in 5 seconds; in order to control their orgasms, they need to learn to slow down the acceleration process and pay attention to the small changes that are happening in their bodies during the arousal phase. The coach will help the client to do this using mindfulness exercises which enable him to be more aware of what is actually happening in his body, rather than being distracted by the negative thought processes going in his head.
Sadly it is the taboo nature of premature ejaculation that prevents most men from seeking help or even discussing it openly with their partners. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to resolution; the second step is to work together with a competent sex coach or sex therapist to resolve the issue. Many men find that they are relatively quickly able to overcome longstanding problems and move on to have satisfying and rewarding sex lives.
