So where does this leave men who lack sexual confidence? And how can you gain confidence in your sexual ability? If, as the study suggests, sexual confidence is linked to the man’s ability to please his partner, the most important thing a man can do is to find out what his partner likes. Communication is essential! Ask her to show you how she touches herself; rest your hand on hers as she gives herself pleasure and learn about the pressure, the speed and the type of touch that she uses to turn herself on. You can then replicate this when you touch her. Discuss your fantasies with each other; ask her to reveal what she thinks about when she touches herself and see if you can identify the core erotic themes that drive her wild with excitement. If she enjoys some dirty talk, then try verbalising some of her fantasies whilst you are touching her and see if she becomes even more aroused.
Many men view sex as a goal-oriented activity; the whole aim is to reach orgasm (and for the more enlightened man this includes his partner’s orgasm as well as his own!). Really great sex, however, focuses on the journey, not just the destination. Enjoy your partner’s body and show her how to enjoy yours. Delay your gratification, create sexual tension and build up crescendos of excitement. The sexually confident man is in no rush to reach his destination!
Despite the fact that we have all heard that old adage that ‘size doesn’t really matter, it’s how you use it that counts’, some men still believe that physically they just don’t have what it takes to be able to please a woman. Remember that the average length of a woman’s vagina is 2.5 inches, extending to around 4 inches when aroused. What is more, the G-Spot is located only 2 inches inside, on the front wall of the vagina, so most men will be able to reach it with an erect penis. Moreover, around 75% of women reach orgasm via clitoral stimulation rather through than vaginal stimulation, which means it’s far more important that you know what to do with your tongue and your fingers than to worry about the size of your penis!
Sexual confidence is related to our overall confidence as individuals. If we have low self-esteem, we are also likely to have low sexual confidence. Developing a positive mental attitude and a healthy self-respect will help you both in and out of the bedroom.
Finally, make sure you know your own sexual needs, likes and values. Know what turns you on and how to ask for it in a respectful way. Remember that our brains are our largest sexual organs: know what you need mentally in order to be turned on physically; for some people this will involve having a mental connection with your partner, for others it may be spontaneity, adventure or passion. Lastly, know your sexual values and your boundaries, and live in accordance with these.
If you doubt your own sexual abilities, you will become your own worst enemy in the bedroom. However, working with a sex coach can enable you to gain confidence, hone your communication skills and become the kind of lover a woman will want to welcome back again and again.
