Premature Ejaculation: How Quick is Too Quick?

There is a great deal of misunderstanding about what constitutes premature ejaculation (PE). Does a man suffer from PE if he orgasms within the first 10 minutes of sex? Can he be said to ejaculate too quickly if he can’t last an hour? In fact the average time that it takes a man to ejaculate once he is inside a woman is just 5 minutes (this is the European average; for our British studs it is actually 7 minutes!). Contrary to popular myth, very few sexual encounters involve ten minutes or more of bumping and grinding, once the couple actually get down to it! An unrealistic expectation about what is ‘normal’ can sometimes lead men to worry that they suffer from premature ejaculation, when in fact they are already performing well above average.

So, timing aside, how can a man be sure about whether he suffers from early ejaculation? Professionals still disagree about the actual definition, some judging it on the number of thrusts (8 or 15), others on time spent having intercourse, and still others rate it according to whether a man ejaculates before his partner has had an orgasm. Clearly this last definition is of little use when we now know that the majority of women do not orgasm solely as a result of intercourse! Probably the most useful and the most widely used description is that premature ejaculation occurs when the man is not able to voluntarily and consciously control when he ejaculates.

Popular myth propounds that premature ejaculation is always the result of frenzied teenage masturbation habits. In reality, there are a range of causes of premature ejaculation, some of which are physical, some psychological and some neurological. When trying to ascertain the cause of PE, it is important to think about whether it has been a lifelong problem or whether it was acquired as a result of a particular trigger.  The two most common causes of lifelong PE are neurological problems and a deficit of psychosexual skills. Relationship problems are a common cause of acquired PE, while less common causes include prostatitis and urinary tract infections. It is important to have a clear understanding of the cause of PE before trying to find a solution.

At present there are no pharmacological solutions for premature ejaculation. While sufferers of erectile dysfunction can take Viagra or an equivalent, as yet no parallel pill exists for PE sufferers. Some anti-depressant medications may be prescribed for some sufferers of premature ejaculation, but these can have a range of side effects, including erectile dysfunction – a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire.  So is this something that men just have to learn to live with?

Fortunately, there are a number of very effective psychological approaches that have been developed to tackle premature ejaculation. These combine cognitive and behavioural elements that can lead to a marked improvement in performance in a matter of weeks. Sex coaches can teach clients suffering from premature ejaculation a series of masturbation and sensory focus exercises that will help them to gain greater ejaculatory control. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation experience the equivalent of a car accelerating from 0-100mph in 5 seconds; in order to control their orgasms, they need to learn to slow down the acceleration process and pay attention to the small changes that are happening in their bodies during the arousal phase.  The coach will help the client to do this using mindfulness exercises which enable him to be more aware of what is actually happening in his body, rather than being distracted by the negative thought processes going in his head.    

Sadly it is the taboo nature of premature ejaculation that prevents most men from seeking help or even discussing it openly with their partners. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to resolution; the second step is to work together with a competent sex coach or sex therapist to resolve the issue. Many men find that they are relatively quickly able to overcome longstanding problems and move on to have satisfying and rewarding sex lives.

Overcoming Impotence Without a Little Blue Pill

Impotence: the word that strikes fear in the bravest of men! And for good reason: a man’s identity is intrinsically linked to his ability to go forth and multiply, which in turn is dependent upon his ability to ‘get it up’.  Sex plays such an important role in our adult lives: it brings us pleasure (surveys confirm what most of us already know: we are at our happiest while having sex), it enables us to reproduce and thus temporarily escape our fear of mortality, and it quiets our loneliness by allowing us to become physically and emotionally intimate with another being. In short it excites, it enthrals and it entices us.

And so, when a man realises that his erections (if they come at all) are not as firm or as quick in arriving as they once were, a real dread can result. This is often accompanied by confusion, anger and a sense of insecurity. What does this mean about his ability to sexually satisfy a woman? How can he even begin a sexual encounter when he is no longer sure how it will end?

For many men, the answer to this problem is to google ‘Viagra’ and order some little blue pills from a spurious source on the Internet.  This particular approach is not to be recommended for a couple of important reasons. Firstly, Viagra should only be prescribed by a doctor, in order to ensure that it is the appropriate medication for the problem and that it is given in the correct dosage. Erectile dysfunction may be the result of heart and blood pressure medications, or even some cold and sinus remedies; if this is the case, the doctor may be able to change the medication that is causing the problem, rather than needing to prescribe Viagra. Erectile dysfunction can also be a sign of diabetes, and it is important that this possibility is thoroughly examined and addressed.

Secondly, by immediately reaching for the little blue pill, men are ignoring the possibility that their impotence may be the result of a psychological issue. This is particularly likely to be the case if the man is having no problems getting and maintaining an erection whilst masturbating, but is unable to ‘get it up’ when he is with a partner.  This may result from a whole raft of psychological causes, such as anxiety, guilt or depression. If the problem is occurring within a long-term partnership, it may also indicate underlying problems with the relationship which need to be addressed.  If a man with psychologically-rooted impotence turns to Viagra, he will either find that the Viagra stops working after a short period or he will find that the psychological problem is displaced into another physical form, such as premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation.  

The good news is that psychologically-rooted erectile dysfunction can be addressed through a relatively simple set of cognitive and behavioural exercises, coupled with a therapeutic examination of the underlying issue. Working together with a good sex coach, many men find that they are able to restore erectile function, and with it their sexual confidence, in a relatively short time. Moreover, instead of relying on a little blue pill for their sexual performance, they know that it is all down to them , and that they have indeed still got what it takes to satisfy both themselves and their partners.