Power Play: Learning the Finer Arts of BDSM from a True Mistress

Sex and power are often seen as dangerous bedfellows. Consider President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, the boss and his secretary or the college professor and her student. It is generally accepted that sex should not involve an abuse of power or be used in a way that can give one person unfair control over another. And yet, playing with power and control can be a powerful erotic stimulus for many couples. A woman who knows this only too well is Mistress Josephine, a London-based dominatrix who provides training for couples wishing to experiment with bondage and discipline, domination and submission. I went to visit her for afternoon tea to find out more about her work.

Mistress Josephine’s dungeons are a very pleasant surprise. Refined and elegant, with white wooden floors, mirrored ceilings and an artfully-arranged display of sexual paraphernalia, they are as far from the seedy image of the fetish world portrayed in the media as one could imagine. Despite sitting down opposite a black leather corporal punishment bench, with an impressive array of whips, crops and paddles hanging above my head, I felt very comfortable and relaxed as Mistress Josephine told me about her work of teaching couples the finer art of BDSM (as it is referred to in the business).  Before meeting a couple, Mistress Josephine will speak to them on the phone to put them at ease and to find out what it is they would like to get from their time in the dungeon. She will help each of them to explore whether they prefer to be the dominant or the submissive partner and allow them to try out each role. She teaches them how to tie and tease one another in an erotic fashion, and to experiment lightly with spanking, whips and paddles if that is their desire. Learning how to play from a professional helps couples to build confidence, understand how they can successfully turn their fantasies into reality and learn how to play safely. For example, she shows couples how to correctly spank a partner, so as to gently warm the skin on the bottom in a way that will raise endorphin levels.

For any couple thinking about engaging in BDSM activities, it is important they have already established a deep level of trust with one another and that they take time to set boundaries before embarking on any new activities. Clear communication is a must for this type of play. Neither party should ever feel that they are doing something that they don’t want to do in order to please their partner. This is about the role-playing of power imbalances, not about real control of one person over another. In fact, the well-kept secret about domination and submission is that it is actually the submissive that is in control; she or he decides upon the level of intensity and sets the boundaries of the activity. It is imperative to agree a safe word in advance, so that the dominant partner respects the submissive’s boundaries and knows when to stop. Often used safe words include “amber” for  “stop doing the particular thing that you are doing at the moment” and “red” for “stop the role play completely immediately”. “No” or “stop” are not usually used as safe words, as the submissive partner might use these as part of the role play and the dominant cannot be sure if they are said as part of the game or in earnest.

My time spent with Mistress Josephine in her dungeon felt neither dark nor sinister, as I had perhaps subconsciously feared beforehand.  It was, in fact, informative, light-hearted and great fun. For many couples, experimenting with a little light bondage, submission and domination can open up a whole new world of possibility in the bedroom.  As couples allow their unspoken fantasies to surface and learn to communicate these to one another, a new level of intimacy can be opened up. Learning the fine arts of BDSM from a Mistress can take the experience one step further.

For further information on Mistress Josephine, please see: www.londonschoolofmistressing.com or call 07557 506760